Finances are listed at the top of problems list with couples. If the money is what’s focused on, you will never have a solution. (which is probably the goal of that focus) Ultimately, this problem doesn’t make any cents. It literally could be taking money right out of your pocket. Get some direction.
Relationships struggle when money is a factor, but much like other relationship challenges you will find that money is the outcome of underlying concerns.
As an individual, what creates your money struggles? Challenge yourself to look at the personal struggle that you have with money. As an individual, with respect to your relationship, that struggle grows your lack of confidence, and self-doubt. In many cases, if we have challenges with relationship with one situation (like money) it permeates throughout the relationship.
In the relationship a lack of connection, and a lack of trust in your individual ability to handle the emotion of your partner can lead to limiting your discussion. This is the start of a spiral that erodes trust, confidence and together. And, ultimately the shaky foundation that finances sets on.
Start asking these questions:
- As a couple explore what characteristics create your money experience.
- As an individual explore your personal experiences in dealing with money.
- What are the habits that limit your positive financial relationship?
- What are the ways you can build connection for supporting each other?
- What comfort zone do you need to move out of in order to trust and create confidence and together?
Thomas Isaac Castro, LMFT 